Small Town Livin’

Unlike the kale smoothies and endless asphalt veins of the more progressive thinking urban centers, the yellow brick road of small town livin’, greasy spoon diners, and sittin’-a-spell attitude is as sweet as the tea I’m known to hold in my right hand. Climbing the oak branches of memories to better see the past of easier times is an exercise in good mental health.

Days when dinner on the church grounds was a bushel basket full of fun, fellowship, and deep fried food. The social committee was run by the lady’s bridge club and we knew they meant business. The meals they concocted in casserole dishes and steeped in crockpots are legendary.

As kids hopscotch through the sandbox of country living, they learn lessons not known to children reared inside the big city limits. Wrangling frogs, crawfish, bluegill, and an occasional feral cat are embedded in the syllabus of southern backroad upbringing. Grown men cook pigs all night, swirl secret vinegar sauce recipes, and can feed a whole VFW Post from one hog who sacrificed its all to delight our stomachs. Honeysuckle vines are nature’s sweet nectar which we once politely shared with butterflies and hummingbirds. Tonka trucks hauled our little plot of earth from one side of the backyard to the other. The red clay mud puddles we trod strengthened our constitution to fend off any virus which dared cross our path.

Small towns are places where thoughts are encouraged to meander, ideas are allowed to simmer, and the pace of life is invited to stop and smell the Gardenias.

Front porches are a commodity, rocking chairs a necessity, and sidewalks are the pathways to friendships. Life is best lived beyond our front door, not sequestered by windows and walls. It seems as though we’ve divorced ourselves of front porches. Where we once perched, eagerly awaiting a neighborly delivery of snap peas, has morphed into rear patios, like hiding places from the girl scout paparazzi.

I don’t see folks lounging on front porches much anymore. Perhaps it’s because of air conditioning, mosquitoes or people just don’t like people much anymore. What once was an open invitation to sit a spell has become a medieval moat for solicitors and those who cycle two-by-two. The late Lewis Grizzard once said, ”It’s hard to get drunk and fall off a patio”. I believe that to be true and not nearly as fun.

Mass transit in cozy little towns south of the Mason-Dixon line is typically defined by the rear gunnels of a pick-up truck loaded with passels of little leaguers, leather gloves in hand, with sandlot dreams with hopes of hitting a walk-off home-run. Sprinkled about the acres of farm land and row crops are big green, red, and blue tractors that rumble down thinly laced backroads as if they own it. Loud pipes, lifted chassis, and oversized tires are essential equipment for those who embrace the monster truck life. Moms in grocery getters look different here. Absent are the european SUVs and Prada accessories. Here, we have country Cadillacs, 4×4 suburbans, which double as huntin’ buddy haulers, and an occasional modified school bus ‘bacca wagon when needed in a pinch.

There’s poor people, rich people, good people, bad people, and just plain ol’ people. There’s those who’s hearts are wrapped with a selfless desire to serve their community. We call them, “salt of the earth”, people. Citizens of all religions live here, but we know for certain the southern baptists throw the best picnic parties and the local Pentecostal Holiness Church can raise the roof as well as any WWE wraslin’ show.

County roads are named for patriarchs, matriarchs, war heroes, and first responders who’ve passed much too soon in the line of duty. We’re a group who deeply care for our neighbors, even those who’ve made poor life decisions and just need a hand up. There’s nothing a neighborly food tree can’t cure when convalescing at home due to some unfortunate ailment.

Time is abundant and it’s the currency of our lives. Without it, I’m afraid our souls would become bankrupt. We steward our time well by sitting still. Our ears delight in the softness of silence. As we ruminate on the sweet cud of country living, our hearts connect with all the gifts only a small town can bequeath.

So, grab a Rand McNally and find your next small town destination. Here, you’ll find a cold Mason jar full of sweet tea and a rocking chair reserved just for you. You may even meet a friendly neighbor with a Tupperware bowl full of snap peas. Slop some authentic sausage gravy on a homemade buttermilk biscuit, savor the gas station fried chicken just off Main, and be sure to stop and smell the honeysuckle. The hummingbirds and butterflies here are cotillion cordial and don’t mind sharing.

East vs. West: The Great BBQ Sauce Debate

I suppose one could percolate on the connotations when considering the title of this little thread. To be clear, my recollections are not pertaining to “BBQ’ing” as this is northern code for backyard grilling hamburgers and hotdogs. I’m talkin’ ‘bout pig pickin’, hog smokin’, sauce slatherin’ on the other white meat cooked over oak hot coals for what often seems like a fortnight while tellin’ fish stories of broken lines and broken hearts. Some prefer a little fermented libation to accompany their all night journey. Me? Make my tea extra sweet with lots of caffeine.

Before I lead you astray with my layman’s knowledge, I must admit, I’m not a professional food critic, connoisseur of fine cuisine, purveyor of exquisite culinary fare or a Julliard’s trained chef but, I know a good sauce when I taste it.

A long-standing feud amongst North Carolinians, which seems to have raged longer than any skirmish the ancient Romans ever had with, well, anyone, is which pork BBQ sauce is better, a peppery vinegar saline swill or a sweet tomato and molasses dressing.

This somewhat dysfunctional, but saucy debate, has ruined many friendships and a couple marriages over the years. Out of respect for all pit masters and weekend swine warriors from Murphy to Manteo, I’ll remain neutral in this debate as to which sauce I prefer. I don’t have the courage to confess nor the time to read the nasty comments I’d receive from the opposing team. However, for the uneducated reader, this is serious and saucy business. Serious enough I feel it’s time we resolve our differences, kiss and make up, cool the coals, and practice a little active listening or otherwise, we may all be looking down the proverbial barrel of a sweet and tart civil war swirling in our tea glass. Right, when pigs fly. I get it.

I saw a t-shirt once depicting the Ol’ North State with an epic fissure slicing our precious piece of real estate heaven in half with the words, “tomato” to the west and “vinegar” to the east. My heart skipped a beat. My brow began to sweat. I thought, could this one little woven, unfettered piece of fabric, seemingly harmless garment be the fuel that rekindles the fire leading us into BBQ armageddon? Well folks, no surprise, this fire has been burning for what my Mother would call a “month of Sundays”. As long as whole hogs have been grilled over hot coals, so this debate has raged.

A word to the wise, make sure you’re in the right jurisdiction when you proclaim your allegiance lest you be accosted by an ol’ pit boss in overhauls wielding a sauce brush. There have been debates, rallies, cook-offs, contests, backyard brawls and an occasional healing at the local Holy Pentecostal Church, only for those, of course, who had to be exorcised for the notion that vinegar was the best concoction for pork consumption, when it’s really tomatoes, or vice versa.

Whichever flavor pleases your palate, be proud. However, as Grand-momma used to say, “pride cometh before the fall”.

Honestly, I enjoy both and feel uncompelled to argue. I also enjoy sweet tea but, for as long as I’ve lived in the South, I’ve never heard anyone argue over which is better, sweet or unsweet. That’s just plain unnatural.

So, whatever flavor causes your tongue to arise from it’s dull existence, be encouraged, there are many great pork patriots who’ve come before us who fought for our right to choose the dressing which tempts our taste buds.

Not to be an Eeyore but, I presume the flame of passion, which causes us to take sides, will never be extinguished. However, I wish for a kinder, gentler state where we, as North Carolinians, will all get along, take a collective deep breath and relax with our forks in hand. Let’s take off our rubber gloves, put down our sauce brushes and hide our secret BBQ brew long enough for one big virtual hug. I truly believe with the right amount of understanding and a few group therapy sessions, we may all one day begin to see better our opponent’s point of view.

When pigs fly? Oh, yeah, right! But what a glorious day it would be.